Why I Haven't Posted in Soooooo Long

A short (silly) story inspired by John Nisbett.

I was sitting out by our pool a few weeks ago (despite the fact that it was closed) while drinking some pink lemonade and pondering the purpose of fingerless gloves when a large black limousine drove up. A strange figure stepped out. He was dressed in black, and was wearing a black cape lined with red satin. He had black hair, and he had a widow's peak. It was definitely a vampire.

So the vampire walked up to me and said, "Hello, my name is Dracula. I was wondering if you had a computer I could borrow."
I replied, "I have a computer but you may not borrow it. Go away."
He got kind of mad and laughed, "Mwa-ha-ha."
I asked him to stop. I don't like scary laughing vampires.

Now, this is the point in the story when I should have gone inside to get some garlic...or is that for werewolves? I don't know. Rachael Ray was talking about it on Food Network a couple halloweens ago.

So, Mr. Dracula decided that the best way to get my computer was to trick me. So he said,
"If you close your eyes and count to 372, I'll give you the complete second season of Star Trek: The Original Series on DVD." This could have been my first mistake, but what Mr. Dracula didn't is that I can count to 372 in record setting time. Like, really really fast. So by the time I got to 372, Dracula was only just getting into his limo, STEALING my computer. I ran after him and called him a crazy hooligan.

I had to get my laptop back, so I devised a plan to trap Dracula. I spent three weeks making a huge sign that said,

"WELCOME TO THE COFFEE BARN, the newest coffee shop in town, FREE WI-FI, excellent coffee too!"

and I hung it in front of my house. Then I recruited some friends to sit in my living room and pretend like they were patrons of my fictional coffee shop. Why did I do this, you ask? Because I just happened to know that vampires cannot resist coffee shops and free wi-fi...and hopefully, Mr. Dracula would bring MY laptop with him.

The next day, I saw a black limousine pull up in our driveway. I called the police and asked them to send a car over. Dracula entered our little cafe and seated himself near a window. He then pulled out MY laptop and started taking advantage of our internet while he waited for my clueless sisters...I mean, my experienced waitresses. They were in the kitchen on my mother's laptop, googling directions for how to make a frozen caramel latte.

In about 7.8 minutes, a police car drove slowly up the driveway. I went out to explain what the situation was, and invited them in.....for "coffee."

Sneaking over to Dracula's table, I whispered in his ear, "Sir, there are some fans of yours over by the piano. They would like a picture with you if it's convienient."
He smiled and got up. As you can guess, the "fans" were the policemen. They took him in on charges of laptop stealing, disturbing the peace and loitering at Wal Mart.
"Thanks for calling us, miss," one policeman told me, "We've been after this one for a couple weeks."
I smiled. I got my laptop, and they got their man.

So, yeah, that's why I haven't posted in so long. Thanks to John Nisbett for the inspiration :)

P.S.....COME SEE SCROOGE! We open tonight!!!

Bike Wreck

We went camping this past weekend.
We froze.
We rode bikes.
We ate sandwiches made with store bought bread.

Fact: I have not had a bike "wreck" in a very, very long time. I have had my chain slip off, but you don't fly off your bike if your chain slips off.

Or maybe you do. I don't know. But I personally have never been thrown from my bicycle because of chain problems.

I'm not really sure how it happened. I was just riding along and all of a sudden I was falling off my bike. I fell....hard.....on my left side, scraping up my leg and elbow. I have a pretty bad bruise on my left hip, which is kind of weird, knowing that I broke the fall with my right side, and a couple other random bruises. I'm going to have some nasty scars. Clarissa took a picture just minutes after it happened, and I expect it will show up on her blog before too long :)

awwwww:)

My daddy got me an orange and white kitten! Dad saw on my earlier posts I mentioned that I wanted a kitten, and so he looked on Rollanet and found a free 12 w/o.

The kitten is adorable. He is, like I said, 12 weeks old. His face, forehead, back and tail are orange and the rest of him is white. I've named him Jefferson. At the moment, Jefferson is exploring my room. He watched me clean out my desk drawers for twenty minutes at least, just sitting there staring at me. I'll take a picture of him and post it tomorrow:)

Thanks Daddy! I love you!

Confessions of a Student Driver

I drove in town today for the first time.

Yes.

With stop signs and cars and intersections and everything.

It was awesome.

Except I didn't like the speed limit being 25 mph. Honestly?

Honestly.

My *NEW driving philosophy is,

"A little whiplash does a body good."

This is probably a incorrect statement.

But it's my motto. And I'm sticking to it.

Especially when I'm not slowing down fast enough to please my mother and she starts yelling "Stop stop STOP". Or when I turn and she says, "That was good, except for the little bit of whiplash you gave us all." then she chuckles "Haa haa ha."
Then I respond with,

"A little whiplash does a body good."

*I say "new" but what I mean new as in "just came to be" not "having replaced the old one"

:)
I <3 driving.

A Pirates of Penzance Wedding

On the way home from church, my sisters and I had a brilliant idea.

A Pirates of Penzance themed wedding.

I know.

It's pure genius.

So we then planned my wedding.

All females in the wedding party will be dressed as the Stanley sisters.

The groomsman will be dressed as pirates.

The ushers will be dressed as policemen.

The bride (me) and groom will be dressed as Mabel and Frederic.

I want the song "Dirait-on" played as a processional. "Dirait-on" is a choir piece that I sang at Harding Honor Choir two years ago. It's an absolutely beautiful song.....when done correctly. Don't bother to look it up on youtube. I've spent hours looking for good recordings, but in every single video I watched, there were one or more of the following problems.
1. Incorrect French pronunciation....this really bugs me.
2. They sang it super, super slow....it's supposed to be slow, but not THAT slow.
3. The choir was really bad....like, they just didn't sound good.
4. The recording was really low quality and you couldn't even hear that well.

It was a disappointment. If you are set on hearing this song (which I recommend, if you like French songs sung by choirs, like I do), maybe you'd have some luck on iTunes.

So anyway. I kind of want the song "Don't Stop Believing" played at my reception, but I'm not sure how people would react to a secular song:) At least Dirait-on is in French and sounds like a wedding song.

So there's my Pirates wedding.

I'm not getting married any time soon....I promise.
And this is just for fun. I don't actually expect my wedding to be like this, although I DO want "Dirait-on"....and "Don't Stop Believing":)

I want a kitten.
Or some baby bunnies.
Or a little beagle puppy.
Or some little ducklings.

I really don't care. I just want a baby something that I can cuddle with.

Probably a kitten. I'd really like a kitten. A little orange one.

My cats ran away/died when we moved to out new house.

Maybe I'll get a kitten for Christmas:)

Pioneer Woman photography

I've been reading the Pioneer Woman's blog/website/whatever you want to call it for a little while now, and I love when she posts about photography. The Photography section of her site is actually a collaboration of a couple very gifted photographers. It makes me want a camera so I can take awesome photos, too!:)

I love this one of her daughter. I wish that I was as photogenic as her children. Either that, or I wish my mother knew how to use photoshop.

This one was taken by one of the other contributors. It's my favorite.

This one is very photoshopped. I still love it.

I love these two. A lot.

It makes me think, "I could do that, too, if I had an expensive camera, all the right equipment, hardcore photoshop knowledge, a couple of horse models, a couple photogenic children, and extra time."

I doubt any of that will happen in the near future.

Unexpected Song

I have never felt like this

For once I'm lost for words

Your smile has really thrown me

This is not like me at all

I never thought I'd know

The kind of love you've shown me

Now, no matter where I am

No matter what I do

I see your face appearing

Like an unexpected song

An unexpected song

That only we are hearing

I don't know what's going on

Can't work it out at all

Whatever made you choose me?

I just can't believe my eyes

You look at me as though

You couldn't bear to loose me

Now, no matter where I am
No matter what I do
I see your face appearing
Like an unexpected song
An unexpected song
That only we are hearing

I have never felt like this
For once I'm lost for words
Your smile has really thrown me
This is not like me at all
I never thought I'd know
The kind of love you've shown me

Now, no matter where I am
No matter what I do
I see your face appearing
Like an unexpected song
An unexpected song
That only we are hearing

Like an unexpected song

An unexpected song

That only we are hearing

I'm singing this song for Scrooge auditions tomorrow...the first verse, anyway. I hope it'll sound good:)

New blog!!

I have started a new blog! www.escapeartistjenna.blogspot.com

I'm going to use it to blog about knitting, sewing, drawing and such.

The Wisdom Teeth Chronicles: Pizza and Steak

I'm not numb anymore! This is a comfort, because when Dr. Esquibel said yesterday morning, "You're going to be numb for 10-14 hours," I didn't actually realize that he actually meant that until I had been numb about 9 hours and was sick of dribbling whatever I was trying to eat/drink down my chin because I couldn't feel it. Example: the ice pack that wraps around my head has ice cream stains on the place that goes under my chin. How embarrassing:) lol

I have to wear the ice pack this morning, but I can take it off this afternoon and only need to wear it if I start to swell, which might actually be pretty comical. I haven't really had much swelling...

I just realized how boring this is. Who cares if I'm swelling, except that it looks funny.

I promise, if I start to swell and I look really ridiculous, I'll take a picture and (if it isn't tooooooo embarrassing) I'll post it.

I can eat whatever I want to today! Dr. told me yesterday that if I felt like I could eat pizza and steak, I could eat pizza and steak. I really wish he wouldn't have put it that way, because yesterday, as I ate my yogurt and drank the apple juice that was my lunch, I was absolutely yearning for pizza. I don't think I'll be eating pizza today, unless we pick up some pizza baby food.

You all must dislike me immensely. I ramble on about ice packs and pizza and I wasn't considerate enough to post any pictures:)

The Wisdom Teeth Chronicles: Numb and Goofy

I feel as if I lived on the sea all my life and now I'm trying to get land legs. My jaw, tongue, lips, roof of my mouth, and chin are all completely numb. If there is one thing Dr. Esquibel wanted me to understand, it was.......ICE. IT'S YOUR BEST FRIEND! He told me that a million times, because ice stops the swelling which in turn stops the pain and speeds up recovery!!! Thanks all for you prayers!!

The worst part was the anticipation.

I am completely terrified of NEEDLES.

I did awesome when they put in the IV. I squeezed Mom's hand and kept saying to myself "I am with you always, even unto the end of the age," which of course is what Jesus told his disciples when he was leaving them. After the needle was in me, Dr. gave me some painkillers. Then, after prepping me for it, he put the stuff that knocks you out in the IV. Almost immediately I started giggling quietly. I remember saying, "Oh my goodness, this is weird, oh my goodness..." Then the next thing I remember is waking up and the really nice nurse lady telling me she was going to take the oxygen things out of my nose. Then she helped me to the car.

I took the picture of me at the top of the post a couple of minutes ago. Imagine my mouth open in a big cheesy smile:) I feel like I could give you a big cheesy smile, but I can't open my mouth very wide.

I just now tried to take an open mouth smiling picture, but it was really creepy. And gross. And you would probably laugh at me because I look ridiculous:)

The Wisdom Teeth Chronicals: Under the Knife

Sooo...I'm going to the oral surgeon in less than an hour. I can hardly contain my excitment and joy.

Bleh.

I forgot to post about Katie yesterday!

Not a very flattering picture of either of us. Ignore that.
This is Katie and me in Texas! Katie one of my best friends and my officially unofficial "guardian" when my mother/father are not present. She is starting her 2nd year of college.

Harding University, where Katie goes, my mom went, and I intend to go to college, is located in Searcy, Arkansas, but they have study abroad oppurtunities and this semester Katie is going to Zambia! She's going to be there for three whole months and I'm not really sure what I'm going to do without her. Yesterday was significant because yesterday...she left. Flew to Africa. It's crazy:)

I say "crazy" because there are black mambas in Africa.

The Wisdom Teeth Chronicles

I am having my four wisdom teeth removed Friday morning. This includes:

1. An IV...
2. ...and other needles
3. Eating ice cream.
4. Being in pain.

I am not particularly looking forward to this adventure, but at this point (it's two days away) I just want to get it over with. My recovery schedule is as follows:

1. return home, sleep
2. sleep
3. wake up, take ibuprofen
4. eat ice cream/yogurt
5. check facebook, texts, email, update blog, etc.
6. repeat steps 2-5 until I'm feeling well enough to take a shower and begin normal life again (I'm aiming for Tuesday morning)

Sounds like oodles of fun, eh?

Pride and Prejudice love triangles, Clarissa Edition

Clarissa got a little carried away drawing love triangles. I decided to ask her to explain them to me. Try to keep it all straight as she skips around to different people. Can you imagine how confusing the book would be if all this was true?:)

"Mary likes Collins, but Charlotte is married to Collins, so Charlotte and Mary are fighting over Collins. Mary also like Colonel Forster, and Mrs. Forster and Mary are fighting over him. Charlotte and Elizabeth both 'admire' Colonel Forster, so they are fighting over him. Actually, Collins can't decide between Charlotte and Elizabeth. He loves them both. Okay, Elizabeth and Ms. King are fighting over Colonel Forster. He's just the man to be fighting over; it's because he looks so good in his red coat. Alright, now, Darcy and Wickham both love Elizabeth. Ms. King and Georgiana both love Wickham. Wickham can't decide between Lydia and Georgiana. Um, Ms. de Bourge and Elizabeth are fighting over Mr. Darcy. Ms. de Bourge also loves Fitzwilliam. Miss Bingley loves Darcy and Bingley. Georgiana and Jane are fighting over Bingley. Lydia and Georgiana are fighting over Bingley. Now let's go back to Miss Bingley for a second so we can get the random guy at the dance in. Okay, Miss Bingley is in love with Captain Carter and the random guy at the dance. The Random Guy at the dance and Bingley are, like, secretly in loooove with Hill in their hearts because she's just so good at her job. Oh, Bingley and Jane are fighting over Hill because they both want her as their personal servant or something. Collins is secretly in love with Miss de Bourge as well as Elizabeth. Jane and Hill love Bingley's servant. Even though Jane is married to Bingley. She loves his servant too, also. (grammar? must be a homeschooler:) Okay, then, um, Bingley's servant and Hill love Mr. Bennet. Mrs. Bennet and Bingley's servant both love Mr. Bennet. We don't know if Bingley's servant is a man or a woman. Captain Carter and Denny both love Kitty. Denny and the Random Guy at the dance both love Hill. Ok, um.......Wickham and Denny also both love Kitty. All the redcoats love Kitty, Lydia just doesn't know it. (annoying laughter) Um, Denny - no, wait, Lydia can't decide between Wickham and Denny. Oh, Mrs. Bennet loves Denny and Wickham. Elizabeth loves the Random Guy and the dance and Bingley. I'll marry Mr. Darcy!!"

There you have it:)